Surrendering to His story…
If I had written my life story, you may not be reading this.
From an early age, I envisioned getting married at twenty, having lots of babies, and home schooling them while creating a beautiful home for my beautiful family. Instead, now in my thirty-fourth chapter of life, I’m single as a lost sock and longing for babies to hold and care for. Still saving on my own for a house that feels so out of reach. Still looking for someone like the male heroes I write about, flawed but genuine and worth the work of finding.
I’ve always dreamed. As a girl, some dreams were of becoming a secretary, an architect, a spy, an author. And a wife and mother—those were always top of the list. Despite interest in the other professions, I didn’t want to be a career girl. I wanted a home and family of my own. It was a good and noble ambition.
Year after year, God faithfully filled the chapters of my youth with that blend of page-turning tension and the wins you cheer for when the Heroine prevails. Life was an adventure. Times of great struggle were peppered with divine provision and the comic relief of family antics and pets. It was a good life. I had my family at my side and Jesus in my heart, his Spirit guiding me through whatever lay on the next page.
As my character grew, some old interests fell away and new ones took root. One of my favorite hobbies was putting on paper the poems and stories that lived in my head and heart so others could catch the same joy they gave me. When Jesus taught me things, writing was the most natural outlet for them.
Chapter twenty came and went. I became a career girl. Halfway through that decade, God blessed me with a dream come true when my character became a dancer. The ballet days of my girlhood had come back to life to the tune of swing and ballroom dances, even though I didn’t have a partner.
Chapter after chapter of my life, I kept working and dancing and writing. I waited in great anticipation for my Hero to appear and sweep me off my dancing feet. Sometimes, I would journal to him. Always, I would pray for him. Still, many times, I marched up to God and questioned His writing skills. “This would be a really great spot for my Hero to come on the scene,” I hinted. He was too kind to mess up my story, though, just to appease my creative input. Reminded me I had given Him the pen since I wanted the best story possible. He put a few male characters in those chapters just to show me how amazing my Hero was going to be.
While I waited for the big reveal, I kept making up my own stories, toying with the idea of pursuing one of my big dreams…becoming a published author. Finally, I dared to begin that pursuit.
Chapter thirty came and went. At thirty-two, I was hit by a plot twist I never saw coming. Absolutely never would have written myself. My older sister’s story came to a close when she was only thirty-three. A gifted author herself, I can only imagine how she feels being side-by side in Heaven with her Author. I know people will continue to be inspired by her earthly story even though it is finished.
Hard endings, short endings like this propel me to see story in a different light—both the kind I put on paper and the one I’m living. Looking back at my chapters, illuminated in His light, I can see this story isn’t about me at all. Or my yet-to-be Hero. God is not only the Author, it’s been HIS story all the way. Everything that happened up till now has been to more greatly convey the message of His incredible love story to the world.
I still write to let my heart out, and I hope you will feel that. I hope you will love the messy characters in my stories that, like me, have wrestled with wanting control over the pen that scripts their lives. Characters who represent what I’ve learned, that what they are experiencing goes far beyond their understanding as God works all things for our good and His glory.
In fiction and for real, let’s delight in the greatest story of all time.
~ Alyssa